Oh the daily juggling game, The seesaw of life, the guilt and love all in one.
It was very obvious to me that nothing was more important than having a family. I mean, why wouldn’t you want to have a best friend for the rest of your life. A love like no other.
I was 3 months into opening my business @wildflower when myself and Craig decided to try for a baby. If not now, when? Craig was going into his final year of college, and had just started to work in Wildflower looking after all of our admin side. We figured it would be so great that we could balance bringing up a baba in between our schedules.
On the 16th of January 2018, I had just finished a long day of 18 consultations with potential clients, and we decided to get a pregnancy test on the way home, long story short, 10 months later, 3 new artists, a bunch of clients, a manager and a boyfriend with a newly damaged ciatic nerve later, we welcomed our world greatest achievement Harrison.
I knew it would be tough being able to balance life and work with a new baby, but really wanted to do both, so I did. After two weeks, I was back managing the studio, I would come in with Harrison stuck to my boob and help the girls in any way I could. It was madness, Aoife my best friend had started in March, where we kinda just figured things out as we were going. I always wonder, if it wasn’t for the fact that little Harrison was growing in my belly, would she still have been so brave to take the leap of faith and become the first Wildflower artist.
Shauna and Jess started in July, I remember asking them did they plan on having babies soon, because who would look after all of these clients? and that like, I might be able to pay their wages but maybe not 😂. Can you imagine an interview going like that? I don’t know how I managed to gain both of them, they are the most beautiful souls (ps, they never had a weeks wage missing, and they have both grown so epically (jess has actually grown two babies in this time 😂)
I remember days where I would have both boobs out in the staff room trying to pump Some milk, balling crying because I wanted to be able to do everything the best way possible. It was tough, but I didn’t think for any second that it wasn’t worth it. Both Harrison and Wildflower were babies that I loved and wanted to nurture. Craig was studying for his final exams and we just wanted to do all of the things to help our lives for the greater.
I remember feeling judged for not taking maternity leave, and worrying was I doing okay as a mam. Breastfeeding was both rewarding and crucifying and the pressure I put on myself was intense. I admire anyone that is not close to home or not surrounded by the commune of help that I had, to be able to care for Harrison.
It was only when Harrison started to be able to crawl that I stopped bringing him in all the time, the clients would love hanging out with Harrison while they got their hair done.
I remember the days where I would have so much planned and be really busy, and Harrison would just be signalling NO today is a me and mam day, he would cluster Feed and we would enjoy our cuddles and be present with our love.
In the last two and a half years, we have ventured two New Zealand for 3 weeks, done two stints of fashion week in London milan and paris with Harrison, and we have survived a whole year at home in a confined space. The best year of my life, to be honest. I always say it was the maternity leave I never got.
My reasoning behind writing this, was to acknowledge all the mamas struggling out there. The ones who are doing everything Alone and are afraid to ask for help. The ones who feel like they want to work but are afraid to say it. The ones who really don’t want to do anything but be with their baba in a bubble of love. You do you! And don’t feel like you have to explain your reasonings behind it. We are all in this world on a survival basis and someone else’s opinion on how great of a mam you are, doesn’t make your baby love you more or less. We all just want to best for our babies in life.
I would love to hear if this story resonated with you, we can do whatever we want after starting the family, we just have to put the effort and time in to continuing our life in the way we want ❤️